August 27, 2013

Dare we hope?

Last night, while cleaning up the kitchen and watching Rose run around asking everyone she could find to read her a book, I was reflecting on how much life has changed since she became the newest member of our family almost 18 months ago. It's amazing how quickly you forget what it is like to have a little one around once the youngest child is no longer little. After 7 years, those memories were all but gone, washed away in the rush of places to go and things to do.

I can honestly say that Rose has been the most difficult of our children to raise up to this point. There has been a lot of sacrifice, a lot of suffering... mental even more than physical. For whatever reason, she started life so frail, and had so much to overcome. Between the problems nursing, the problems finding a formula she would drink (one we still make by hand to this day), dealing with serious cholic, struggling to put weight on her little bones, irregular sleep patterns, and digestive problems that lead to a long stretch of months cleaning constant blow-out diapers, she has really put us to the test.

I wish I could say that what didn't kill me made me stronger, but if I am honest with myself, I have to admit that what didn't kill me has only increased my sorrow. Sorrow with my own weakness, my own selfishness, my inability to stay cool when the heat turns up, and mostly the day I literally screamed at God, saying, "You have to fix this because I can't do it anymore!"

As I looked down at her last night, though, looking as normal as we ever could have hoped, I could only smile and thank God that we somehow survived and that we have this precious little girl to remind us of what we have lost sight of in the years since Anthony was this age. Despite the struggles, the exhaustion, the frustration, the tears, the sense of betrayal as people spoke to us as if we didn't know what we were doing in trying to address her health issues, there has been one tiny blessing that has made it all worth it. I say tiny, but really this blessing is tiny in the same sense as the mustard seed in the Gospel parable. For, though, it is tiny, it has flourished into the greatest of blessings, the one that changes everything.

This blessing is one that I really don't think any one of us ever really experiences, much less appreciates, until we become parents. And even then, so many parents are too proud, too busy, or too emotionally wounded to experience it even then. But for those who are willing to be small enough and vulnerable enough, it is the blessing we have always longed for, in the depths of our hearts. That blessing is the joy of being loved unconditionally, without expectation... not for what we have or what we do, but merely for who we are... daddy or mommy.

Rose has been pretty attached to me from the moment she was old enough to know me from anyone else, and, from then on, she has loved me the way only a little child can. I have thought about it a lot in the past few months and reflected on how rare unconditional love is. As we get older, we forget. All of our loves become colored by the things we want from the other as we succumb to the human disease of selfishness. The society we live in breeds it like a cancer until we seem to lose the ability to love unconditionally. If we really look inside, many of us will have to admit that even in our relationships with spouses, parents, friends, and children, there is always some bit of expectation, as if love is a bargain. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. And then, if we reflect even more deeply, we can see that even our professed love of God smacks heavily of a barter system... You bless me, and I will love You.

I have had so many occasions to reflect on this over the past months, especially when Rose runs to me and just wants to be held... not because she wants me to read her a book, or fix her a bottle, but just because she loves me. It's in these moments when I get a glimpse of the joy that comes from the fulfillment of being loved and accepted for who I am. It's in these moments when I see how poorly I show that love to others... even God. It's in these moments when I wonder what a different world it would be if we could all be small enough, and vulnerable enough, to love everyone we meet so freely, so selflessly, without expectation, without judgment, and embrace them for who they are. Dare we even hope for such a wonderful world?

I try, and I fail, but I do try, and pray that I may even succeed in my better moments, to show this kind of love to my children and my wife... to simply love without expectation of anything in return. If I so rarely succeed with them, how much more so with those around me every day? But if only I can try, if we all can try a little harder, perhaps we will find that which will make this world that is falling apart around us worth saving and worth fighting for. May the God Who is Love grant us this grace. What a wonderful world it could be.

March 2, 2013

The Autumn Film giving away their music during March 2013

The Autumn Film is giving away their music for the month of March, along with the Hymns albums from another of their musical projects. If you haven't heard them before, you have no excuse now, so get to downloading. If you are familiar with them, I guess you are as excited as I am.  :) I already own all but one of The Autumn Film albums that are free for download, so I am downloading that and the Page CXVI stuff, which I was not familiar with before this announcement. What I have heard so far is just as good as I'd hoped it would be. Here is the official announcement from the band, and below that, I have written a short piece explaining how I discovered them and what their music has meant to me:

"After seven years of crafting music as The Autumn Film and Page CXVI, Reid Phillips, Latifah Phillips, and Dann Stockton are giving away their catalog for the entire month of March. Eleven albums, seventy-four songs, two bands. Think of it as a Jubilee. Think of it as a sweet springtime gift. Think of it as something to share with everyone you know.

Starting Friday, March 1st, all of the albums from both bands will be available to download for free at http://pagecxvi.com/jubilee, and we would love your help with spreading the word."

Note: the giveaway is from SoundCloud and the site makes you wait 5 minutes between each album download, so start with "The Ship and the Sea," then "8 Track Tape," then get everything else while you listen to those. Also, while they are giving this away to build brand recognition, I'm sure they would appreciate some donations for all this stuff if you have some cash to spare.

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Over the last few years, I realized I had managed to lose the habit of keeping up with the new music scene. Around the same time, I was introduced to thesixtyone.com, which is a great site to discover new music, especially independent bands. For a year or more, I had a pretty good habit of using that site for at least a few hours per week. It was there that I first heard The Autumn Film. The song was "Mended," and, from the first line of lyrics, I was hooked. As the song was nearing the end, I clicked the band's name to go see their library of songs posted on thesixtyone. I ended up listening to all of them several times through before going to their site and buying "The Ship and the Sea." They had some free downloads on their site, so I got all those while I was there too.

I listened to them a lot over the course of the next few weeks, especially "The Ship and the Sea." As usually happens these days, though, I got behind on podcasts and stopped listening to music for a good long while. When I finally did find some time between podcasts, I found myself going back to The Autumn Film more than any of my other favorite music. Little did I know at the time just how important this band would be for me.

A while back, I had hit a rough patch emotionally, really struggling to get through some dark and trying times. Whenever this happens in my life, music is always my refuge. Well, this time, I had The Autumn Film waiting for me. The song "Mended" was a real lifeline for me. There was one day where I listened to that on repeat for at least half the day. And, as I sang along, the words were helping me deal with my struggles, but they also became my prayer at a time when I couldn't find the words to pray, begging God... "Don't give up on me now, this can all be mended." I really feel like that song saved me from giving in to despair at a time when I could barely see the light.

Then "8 Track Tape" and the Coldplay covers were released, and they quickly became household favorites. And again, they came to the rescue at another difficult time. When our youngest child, Rose, was born, she had a lot of issues with her stomach and digestion. She would scream a lot. Walking around lightly bouncing her helped, but never quite made her comfortable enough to settle down completely. This went on for months, and we were really getting to the end of our ropes. Finally, I decided to try playing some music to see if that would help. I tried various things I thought would be soothing, including some of the favorite albums from when the other kids were infants. They weren't working. Then I played "8 Track Tape." During the first track, it didn't seem to be having any more effect than the other music, but when "Love is an Avalanche" came on, Rose immediately started to calm down. By the end of the song, she had stopped crying. By the end of the track after that, she was almost asleep. I thought nothing of it at the time, but the next day, it worked again. The day after that, it worked again... and it kept working. Apparently, Rose's favorite song was "Love is an Avalanche." The funny part is that it is upbeat and fun, not soothing and calming. But it kept working, and it became a priceless jewel in our lives at the time, because we finally had a way to calm her down.

For these two songs, I am forever indebted to the members of The Autumn Film. I hope to be able to see them live someday soon so I can thank them in person. I have always appreciated music where you can feel the emotion being poured into it by the artists, and this music was clearly a work of love for them. I am grateful to have discovered it. It has been a great reminder to me of the power and value of good music... at a time in my life where it is easy to just get caught up in the emotionless world of technology work and forget that there is more to life than logic.

So, do yourself a favor and check them out. I can't promise you will love them as much as I do because every soul resonates to a different tune, but I do know that if you do end up loving them as much as I do, that will mean we are kindred spirits.  :)  They have earned a place in my very short list of musicians that I always keep tabs on to see what they are up to, when they have new music, and where they will be playing live... alongside Jars of Clay, Marc Cohn, and Mike Oldfield. Not bad company for an independent band.

And, Reid, Latifah, and Dann... if you happen to read this... thanks for baring your souls through music. You have a great gift, and you never know who will be touched by your work. Keep up the good work as long as you can, and may God bless all your endeavors.

Peace,
Todd Russell
March 2, 2013, 3:40am (yes, helping them spread the word meant enough to me to stay up this crazy late)

February 5, 2013

Letter to the Last of Humanity

I had this idea swirl around in my head when I was sick with a flu and on the verge of hallucination thanks to a really high fever.

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To the children who were taken into the silver ships,

Do you remember who you are? Do you remember your parents? You must ask yourself these questions and others like it. What have they done to you? Perhaps nothing, but are you sure? While you may remember everything that happened before you entered the ships, did they let you see what was happening down here since then? I don't know what they have told you, but, rest assured, they are not your friends. Please read this and know the truth.

You may remember that on September 19, 2028, people everywhere started coming down with one of the worst flu viruses anyone had ever seen. At the time, it just seemed like an odd epidemic, but many of us finally figured out the cause within a few days after you were taken up.

I remember waking up that morning and noticing the sky was covered in a criss-cross pattern of odd looking clouds. I remember laughing to myself that the chemtrail believers would be shouting from the rooftops over this one. Turns out they weren't so crazy after all. Later analysis proved that the virus was no naturally occurring strain, but had clearly been engineered to affect only people who had not received the AIDS vaccine. Since that vaccine had only been introduced in 2015, and only given to people below the age of 7, that meant only those older than 20, and those who had refrained from taking the vaccine, could catch the virus. And they all did because it had been sprayed into the sky across the entire globe.

As you may remember, this was not your ordinary flu sickness. My own fever ran at around 104 degress for several days, and left me so weak I could barely make my way out of bed for necessities for over a week. It was the third day, September 22, when all adults of an age to care were in bed, too sick to respond, that the silver ships appeared in the skies from we knew not where. When the public broadcasts went out inviting anyone not sick to enter the ships, no one could fight back or try to stop you. My own son walked out on me as I begged him not to fall for the lies they were promising of a new world that would be cleansed of the ancient problems of man. I was too weak to stop him, as were many other parents whose children decided to go.

You too believed them. Did they give you what they promised? Did they show you the misery we have suffered here below while you were presumably taken care of in their ships? Whatever they have told you, they are not good, nor should they be trusted.

After you were gone, they began an active campaign to kill off the remaining people here below. They have not made it quick and painless, either, but have made it a study in human misery. Their first act was to use some kind of electromagnetic pulse weaponry to knock out the electrical grid. Whatever it was affected circuitry in all electronics to the point that we haven't even been able to power them by other means like solar power or generators. We were put back into the middle ages over night, and none of the efforts of the past two years have produced any solutions to rebuild any of it.

Without the technology, most of the farming and livestocking quickly fell apart. People have only recently begun to figure out the basics of farming once again, but it is too little, too late now. With the food shortages, the world has fallen into absolute chaos. People are killing each other to take what they have, so those who do find a way to support themselves just become victims of those who can't. There are gangs patrolling their areas to take whatever they can get, including other people. Even cannibalism has become pretty common. It really is hell on earth down here.

And now, in the last few days, there has been another increase in the artificial clouds in the sky. People are getting sick again, but this time they are losing their minds and turning into wild beasts, crawling around naked on all fours, growling and screaming, attacking anyone they come across. It seems as if your "saviors" are trying to finish off those who survived the first wave of misery by destroying what is left of humanity on earth.

So, ask yourselves, who are these "saviors" who have promised you a new world? Many here have speculated. There is a large number of people who have believed that the ships are from another world, and that you are with an alien race. Then there are those of us who believe that this was organized by a group of global elitists who wanted to remake humanity into what they considered a "pure" race that would create a utopia when all the rest of humanity was gone.

Either way, I truly believe this marks the end of time, before the King of Glory returns to recreate the universe into the only utopia that every truly can be. If you are in those ships for three-and-a-half years before they bring you back, then you should believe my words and find a copy of the Bible to read the truth so you can prepare for Him Who is coming.

Or are you free to believe any more? Have they so brainwashed you that you will never question them and merely mock my words? In the Bible, Jesus asked, "When the Son of Man returns, will He find faith on earth?" Well, will He? Surely, you are the last of humanity, and your time will be short before He returns. Just when you think that all the world is at peace and that you have created the perfect world for a purified humanity, you will face the Eternal Judge to answer for what has been done to His people.

So, please, whoever, whatever they claim to be, do not believe them. Ask questions and find answers. Read the Bible, especially the last book, Revelation, to see if you will recognize what is happening. It is not too late for you to change and be brought into the true utopia, which your heart was really longing for when you heard the empty deceptions of these pawns of evil.

I leave you with these last words, hoping you will somehow find them. All the people in this neighborhood around me are succumbing to the madness, so I assume it will take me soon... and I will not be here to give it to you myself. I leave it here in this library in hopes that you will save such places as you attempt to rebuild society for the short time you have left. Here next to this letter, I have gathered several versions of the Bible I have referred to, in several different languages, as well as a selection of other books which speak of the Truth as it has been revealed to man through Jesus Christ. Read them with an open heart. I pray that you will hear His voice when doing so.

Love in Christ,
One of the meek who shall inherit the earth

January 27, 2013

WWGS?: Supposed to be...

Yeah, I'm sure they are.
My friend they supposed to be creator after Tuesday. Bye.

January 1, 2013

WWGS?: A real what?

I don't think I'd go in there, then.
Hey this is Chad. Please. 206 A real diarrhea. Yeah yeah. Alright, I'll be a little with point or two more loan. I don't think you could join. 230, so we're in there and also, so if you get off and hey trade-off. If you want me to her sale wrote, To, Megan, town. But if you yeah I can't take care school. So yes, put time buyer but just let me know. Bye. Yeah, yes.

WWGS?: What the what?

I don't think I even want to know what the actual message was, I am just going to pretend this is what was actually said on the recording...
I wanna come into our salami. Again, I just wanna soon.

WWGS?: Causing a Roppen

Wow, Google's transcription services were so bad over the holidays, that I just had to dust off the old WWGS? series....


Causing a Roppen? That can't be good.
Hey now it. So why do you that's causing a Roppen it spruce up on everybody's devices here I have been able to download. I podcast from here. If this is wall. And so when i turn off the wi-fi and loaded it on. The regular connection which, by the way. Infinity faster than hours if you can read connections faster than R Y 5. It's download it and it plays of fun. So there's something going on with us as well. Again, not a big deal. Relax. But it also will talk about it. Later. Bye Bye.